Once someone has made the courageous decision to leave an abusive situation, they’ll likely face many emotional, psychological, and logistical hurdles as they rebuild their life. Your continued encouragement, support, and empowering messages can be invaluable. Here’s how you can help them stay strong, reinforce their confidence, and prevent them from looking back:
1. Celebrate Their Strength and Resilience
Acknowledge Their Courage: Regularly remind them of the strength it took to make that first step. Simple affirmations like, “I’m so proud of how far you’ve come,” or “It takes incredible courage to do what you’re doing” can reinforce their belief in their own strength.
Highlight Progress: Point out any steps, big or small, they’ve made toward a better life—whether it’s finding a safe place, making a new friend, or setting boundaries. Celebrating these milestones can boost their confidence.
2. Help Them Redefine Their Identity Outside of the Abusive Relationship
Encourage Exploration of New Interests and Goals: Empower them to discover or rediscover hobbies, passions, and talents that may have been suppressed. You might say, “What’s something you’ve always wanted to try?” or “Have you ever thought about picking up that hobby again?”
Support Independence: Help them find ways to take back control over their life, such as managing finances, making decisions independently, or setting personal goals. Independence is empowering, and even small steps can make a difference.
3. Address Feelings of Guilt or Doubt with Compassion
Normalize Their Emotions: They might feel guilt, shame, or regret, which is natural. Remind them that it’s normal to have mixed emotions and that healing isn’t linear. Say things like, “It’s okay to feel uncertain—it doesn’t take away from the progress you’ve made.”
Counter Self-Blame with Facts: Sometimes, victims blame themselves for what happened. Reaffirm that no one deserves abuse and that they made the best choice to protect their well-being. Statements like, “You deserve to be safe and happy,” can help them reshape their self-perception.
4. Encourage Self-Care and Self-Compassion
Promote Self-Care Practices: Self-care is essential for healing and building resilience. Encourage them to do things that make them feel good about themselves, whether it’s exercising, journaling, or taking a quiet moment to relax.
Teach Them to Treat Themselves Gently: Encourage them to be kind to themselves during moments of self-doubt.
Remind them that recovery takes time and that it’s okay to have bad days.
5. Offer Practical Support for Building a New Life
Assist with Setting and Achieving Goals: Help them break down larger goals into small, achievable steps. Whether they want to pursue education, secure stable housing, or find a job, offer encouragement as they work toward each step.
Encourage Community Connections: Suggest joining support groups, local classes, or community organizations where they can meet new people and build a support network. Connections with others in similar situations can be particularly empowering.
6. Help Them Set and Reinforce Boundaries
Discuss Healthy Boundaries: Empower them to set and maintain boundaries in all relationships. Gently remind them that it’s okay to say “no” to people or situations that feel uncomfortable or unsafe.
Encourage Self-Respect: Reinforce that they deserve respectful and supportive relationships, and that healthy relationships don’t require constant sacrifice or fear.
7. Support Their Emotional Healing Process
Suggest Counseling or Support Groups: Therapy can be a powerful tool for unpacking trauma and building resilience. If they’re open to it, gently encourage them to consider counseling or support groups to work through their experiences.
Remind Them That Setbacks Are Part of the Journey: Healing is not a straight path, and they may experience moments of doubt or sadness. Let them know that setbacks are normal and don’t negate their progress.
8. Reframe the Past as a Lesson, Not a Regret
Encourage a Forward-Focused Mindset: Talk about the future with optimism and focus on what they can create, rather than what they’ve endured. You might say, “Your past has made you incredibly strong. Now you get to shape your future on your own terms.”
Help Them View the Experience as a Source of Wisdom: Many survivors find strength in helping others or simply in knowing they’ve overcome something difficult. Remind them that what they’ve endured can be a source of inner strength.
9. Help Them Recognize Their Worth
Encourage Positive Self-Talk: Negative self-beliefs can linger after abuse, so help them cultivate a kinder inner dialogue. Encourage statements like, “I am worthy of love and respect,” or “I am capable and strong.”
Remind Them of Their Value as a Person: Reinforce that they are deserving of safety, love, and happiness. Say things like, “You’re so valuable and important, just as you are.”
10. Be a Steady Source of Encouragement and Accountability
Check-In Regularly: Consistent support can make a huge difference. Even a simple message of encouragement, like, “Thinking of you and proud of all the progress you’re making,” can lift them up.
Encourage Perseverance When They Feel Discouraged: When they face hard days, remind them how far they’ve come and that it’s okay to take things one step at a time. Statements like, “Look at everything you’ve already overcome. You’re stronger than you know,” can reinforce their resilience.
Key Phrases to Empower Them:
“You are brave, and you deserve peace and happiness.”
“Remember, you’re in control of your life now, and every step forward is one step closer to the life you deserve.”
“You don’t need to be perfect, and you don’t need to have it all figured out. What matters is that you’re moving forward.”
Final Note
Healing from abuse is a journey, and empowering someone to keep moving forward requires a balance of emotional support and practical encouragement. Your consistent, positive presence can be a cornerstone of their new, stronger foundation as they move into a brighter future.
Thank you for reading and hopefully someone somewhere will find this beneficial and helpful. The more signs you see, the more likely that person’s life is in danger. Be inquisitive. Be supportive. Trust your instincts!
